How to have courageous conversations at the workplace

When is the time to step in and take action? 

The answer is now! 

Many organizations today are working to ensure their staff reflects the diversity of their institution. However, some employees are still witnessing unfair treatment because of race, age, or gender. And no matter the situation, conversations about these issues can feel challenging. 

With so much to be mindful of, teams or executives may not always feel as comfortable as they could when leading this dialogue around difference. 

And while many leaders recognize it is time to act, some don’t know how to take action. At CNGLMRT, we believe that the first step is constantly auditing ourselves and being honest about where we are at in our understanding and knowledge of the topic - taking some time to learn about where we have gaps.

And then we must act. 

As a business owner, maybe your job requires you to have these conversations with people regularly. Performance issues often require courageous conversations. Or perhaps it’s something more personal, or you may have to tell someone that they didn’t get the promotion and give some hard feedback on why. A common myth is that raising the issue might make things unfavorable. However, a carefully constructed conversation might save something from getting worse.

Instead of dwelling on the negative aspects, we must readdress these courageous conversations and focus on these opportunities.

Here are some tips on constructive, courageous conversations that will result in a preferable outcome:

Being confident with your concerns

It can be easy to stop ourselves from raising concerns by minimizing their importance. For example, we may tell ourselves we are silly, too sensitive, or it’s not such a big deal.

These thoughts are counterproductive because it keeps you from being courageous. 

Suppose the issue impacts you or someone else negatively or consequences to not raising the problem. In that case, it’s essential to do so. Be clear about why you are initiating the conversation and be confident in what you are saying.

Focusing on the behavior

Let the person know that their behavior is upsetting, but take care not to label the person, making them defensive. Counter the defensiveness by segregating the problem from the person and inviting their input to address the issue. 

For example, instead of saying, “You’re racist,” you could say, “When you say such comments, it makes me feel belittled and question their actions with - ‘why do you say that?’ 

Being clear and specific

The anxiety about how someone might react can lead to watering down of messages. We may give much positive feedback to the negative, or we might generally talk to a group about behavior that bothers us without speaking directly to the person involved.

The risk is that they will not hear your message. Say what you sincerely believe needs to be said, even if you know the person you are speaking to might not enjoy hearing it.

Sharing what you want to say in a respectful way towards that person makes the conversation more straightforward.

Listening with an open mind

Being open-minded can sometimes be challenging because people can be defensive or angry after hearing your concerns and feedback. They might be in denial of the issue and even convince you it’s ‘all in your head.’

Before you launch into your opinion of the situation, listen first, without any biases. Don’t interrupt, explain, justify or defend. There are always two sides to a story, and you can always respond later.

Responding calmly

Depending on how the person has reacted to your concerns, remaining calm can be challenging. However, focus on clarifying the factual accuracies of what the person has said.

Their feelings are subjective, but you can’t change that. The person may be upset with you for some time.

Confidently restate your concerns but remember, if you start getting upset, call time out. You have to manage your own emotions first before you respond to others. You may need time to think about what each person has said before coming to a resolution or compromise.

Leaning into the discomfort

Addressing the “elephant in the room” will be the first step in the right direction. In courageous conversations, this applies in the following two ways. First, recognize that the conversation may stir up feelings of discomfort. It allows both parties to arrive from a place of vulnerability and break down any power dynamics. Second, naming the pain also acknowledges that you must act to relieve the tension causing it. 

Committing to the future

Create a culture where courageous conversations are encouraged by welcoming open discussion of complex topics. Add these skills as goals and growth areas for all employees and consider your role in creating a safe environment. Such actions will grow into a long-term commitment to having courageous conversations to help your colleagues and organization thrive. 

Look at any leadership development curriculum. You’ll see various organizational behavior, strategic management, coaching courses to develop effective employees and foster workplace culture. And when it comes to diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI), one thing is conspicuously missing from that list: Courageous Conversations. 

Without courageous conversations, a culture of silence can disintegrate an employee’s sense of belonging. Courageous conversations are like exercises - the first attempts will be painful. Still, in the process, you will grow and expand your capacity to do hard work, and, in time, the results will speak for themselves.  

Organizations are beginning the critical work of evaluating their internal culture and focusing on diversity, equity, and inclusion in the workplace. In doing so, they are finding that “uncomfortable” conversations are an integral component of this work.